It seems my thoughts and anxieties have been buried along with my fear. The darkness and dullness of my mood has been lifted. My want to travel has increased over night though. New experiences and challenges call out for my acceptance and I have been ignoring my thought of mind till now. I feel I am behind schedule in living my life up to its fullest capacity. I look through pictures and scrapbooks of my past and I am grateful for what I have already done, but all that has been over holidays and free time. What I do in everyday life has slowly started to be a routine and that is unacceptable. I am a free spirit with no direction, but I will search for a path and where that path takes me will be great. As of now I am undirected and blind. My eyes long for a light greater than that of the Sun, something out of this world. I want the storm of change to mess things up for me, so I can try putting the puzzle back together. I wish to one day be a free spirit with direction, with a guided light that I slowly move towards. I envy people who know exactly what they are going to do, I fake it sometimes, fake my own mind into thinking that my rhyming words will lead to fame and money and no worry, but my patience grows thinner and thinner by the day with my aimless thought of mind. Oh how I long to sit on the roof tops of my ideas and stare positively into the misleading signs and mess of it all. Take my time and think which ideas would lead somewhere, which long lost songs will be a hit, which business schemes will sell like hotcakes, but all that is lost in my beautifully mangled mess of a mind, the rubbish dump of my impossible dreams is priceless to some and trash to others. I stand in the middle trying to choose which side I stand on, the optimist or the pessimist.
Heres a secret... we're all on that pile with you... even the ones who think they've got it all figured out. It's not so lonely once you understand this secret... I miss you so much it hurts.
ReplyDelete- Anna